then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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