Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
