Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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