I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
