This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
