dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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