the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
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Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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