If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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