I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
