I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
