sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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