I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
