My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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