I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
