porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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