A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize
