I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
