Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
