Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
