The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
