What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
