I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let's get the cat blown out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
