when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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