if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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