How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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