is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Boobs are out for the taking
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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