THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize