I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
