Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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