Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
