Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
