Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
