No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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