When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
