ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
