just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
