when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
25 ‘Manly’ Things Guys Do That Are Actually Really Annoying
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night