Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂