Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
