Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it glows. i had to have it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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