sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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