DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
