Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
