i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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