wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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