so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
