I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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