my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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