you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
