IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
