it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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