Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
