Cold hands, warm shart.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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