took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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