Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
