Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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