im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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