he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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