Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
