One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
