After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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