I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
