I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need water and some morals
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
