Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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