i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
