There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
