I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
