Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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