I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
