i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
