A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
