Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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