Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
