mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
