She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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