her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
