He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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