I think im going to throw up on grandma
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
