I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
