I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
