just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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